What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
