no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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