Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
