around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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