can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
