I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
