eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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