But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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