What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just had sex on a roof
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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