omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
