I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
