Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
