If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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