Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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