my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
