is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize