oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
