we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
