I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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