Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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