I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
