ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
