he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize