After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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