never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
