matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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