I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
vagina is talking i cant
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
