Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want you more than these girls want KFC
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
