apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
