The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
how does that bad decision feel?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
