He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize