The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize