How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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