Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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