I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
