Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
