I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
