my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
