Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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