Can i not drive my cunt home
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
