So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
