Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
