hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
