the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
