Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
