Sorry, I don't speak sober.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You pole danced in your parka.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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