Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize