high people should be assigned attendants
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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