I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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