Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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