a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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