I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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