Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
