theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
