I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
