Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
