Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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