just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize