I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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