this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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