I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
