he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
