Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
