One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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