So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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