I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
