Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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