Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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