My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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