If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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