i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize