can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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