Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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