i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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