i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
