eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
