I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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