You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
