remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
