ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
