Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
