youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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