my phone needs a breathalizer
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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