it was like his penis was on wheels.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize